Over at Koptalk House, Oldham is writing for his new blog. We've absolutely no idea what half of what he is saying means. Some of it may be Geordie-speak, Scarborough-speak, pimp-speak, dealer-speak, teenager-speak. We've just no idea whatsoever. Then again, Dunk has no idea whatsoever about very much does he?
Funnily enough, he calls his "Mrs" a "daft tart". Obviously daft to have got involved with Mr Lard, but only a tart thanks to Dunk's enjoyment of filming her with other men. Unless that was another Mrs, you tend to lose track of things in the world of Del's fake identities and made up stories. The names he used were "Gill and Mark", and he asked for snail mail to be sent to "Miss Hargreaves". They were using the email address of neastcple@aol.com at the time, but it was taken by using one of those AOL disks that used to fill most people's bins back then. He used this address to talk about satellite scams too.
So what's he been writing about on the blog that will no doubt change our lives? Steve's had to post 20 parcels. Bearing in mind what we've just been talking about it's perhaps as well we don't know what the parcels had in them. Then he says his Mrs (the daft tart, remember?) has brought him some sandwiches. But she's taken them home, instead of to his "office"*. Where the hell does his "Mrs" live then? And when she got to his home, did she post them through the letter box? I don't understand how she's brought him sarnies but not brought them. Still, this is Dunk's world…
He's looking forward to the England match, and takes the opportunity to have a go at Peter Crouch. Now if you read our "sister" site, The Insider Insider, you'll know that we are STILL waiting for Dunk to answer some very simple questions. One of them is, "where is the Crouch tape you claim to have?" He hasn't got a Crouch tape of course, but he claims he has one and when he is ready he will be able to use it to end Peter Crouch's Liverpool career. What's he got against Crouch? Was the guy he advertised to come to his house and strip off for him tall and thin like Crouch? Maybe…
After that it's the usual crap from the wide one, and if this is good as it gets I can't see many visiting it. He talks some complete garbage about the England opponents for a friendly, but seems to have got the hang of talking about foreigners without being offensive. We all know what he thinks of foreigners though, don't we?
"It's a pretty quiet day at KOPTALK today. Steve's just gone to post out 20 parcels before the bloody post office closes. The Mrs has bought me a couple of bacon and egg mayonnaise sarnies but the daft tart has taken 'em down home instead of bringing them to the office.
Not much to do today. It's very quiet on the news front. There's the England international kicking off within the hour. Lurch, Stevie and Carra are both starting so it'll be interesting to see how they do. I'm sure Rafa will also want to see how St Mike and Lurch link-up together up front.
Seeing the Jamaicans all fired up for the game is mint. I love colourful characters. There's also some nice tash kicking about. I have this awful feeling though that somone's gonna get crocked. I'm a bit worried about Owen so I hope he comes through ok.
Where we live there's England flags up all over the joint. Not just on pubs and cars but tons of houses. We've even got them up at KOPTALK HQ out front, we'll have to take a picture and show you how sad we are. I'm sure we'll be ripping them down not long into the tournament!"
* Office = Auntie's garage.
